Well, they do say that things happen in threes, but in this case the bad luck fairy seems to be good at multiplications.

First, there was hubby dearest slicing his leg open on a parking post. That was - in a word - gross beyond all telling. I’m not incredibly squeamish, but when I can see the bone, I know it’s time for someone to pass the bucket. Then Tiny Flirt pushed in the lunch queue yesterday, toppled over and got a huge bump on his head from headbutting the skirting board. Finally, not to be outdone, Little Madam decided to go bungee jumping without the cord in the playground this lunchtime and is mildy concussed with a lump the size of a turkey just above her left eye.

So I’m home from school, and watching my step. But also partly celebrating. It was excellent timing on Little Madam’s part. At least I don’t get to teach bottom end Year 10 this afternoon!

How do you make a bone idle year group pass their GCSEs?

If that was actually a riddle it might be funny. In actual fact it’s looking like a mammoth task. My classroom now looks like a scene from feeding the 5,000, and unless we start sitting on each other’s knees I don’t think we can cram anyone else in there. I’ve already got someone at my desk (and on my newly donated swivel chair!).

To digress, that chair is the most fun thing I’ve ever had in my room. It far surpasses my interactive whiteboard. There’s something hysterical about freewheeling over from the network terminal where I do the register over to the laptop to bring up the lesson objectives. One of these days I’ll probably go flying over a cable, but you’ve got to live a little some time.

We’ve retitled the revision classes to make them sound less boring. We’ve got booster sessions coming out of our ears. We’re shamelessly bribing them with tea, coffee and chocolate (they can have the migrane after the lesson!), it’s all singing, all dancing, more marking than I can eat in a month of Sundays, and I’m knackered.

And do they appreciate it?

Pah!

In the immortal words of The Reduced Shakespeare Company

“I’m back.”

“I’m front.”

“I’m sideways.”

Thanks to Darren for resuscitating me on the www!