Some things are quintessentially English - afternoon tea, the crack of willow and leather colliding, red telephone boxes that you can fit 14 people in if you’re very inventive, summer days out in the pouring rain during which we all have a jolly good time. You get the idea.

One of the things I remember so well from my childhood is the Speaking Clock and the very posh woman on the other end telling you in pristine RP that it was six-oh-two-and-twenty-seconds. It was comforting, it was reassuring and, most importantly, it was British!

Imagine my horror at the latest ‘clock’. J.M. Barrie’s Tinkerbell is going to be telling the time. Yes, I know he’s a feted English author, but we’re not talking English fiction here. Oh, no. We’re talking Disney-sponsored Tinks high on cheerleader perkiness. Trust me, clicking on that last link is not for the faint-hearted!

There are no words ---